Luck
by MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus
Summary: (COMPLETE) Some people have it all... the best friends... the best life... no problems... no losses... Some people don't cry because they have all the Luck.


Luck  
  
Summary~ He was upset... sad... lost... but felt different emotions. All because of luck. Some people have all the luck.  
  
A man ran his finger over the door, frame frowning. He didn't enjoy being where he was, but it was too painful not to be there. It had been years since the true owner lived in that room; many years, in fact. As the man touched the doorknob ever so lightly, a tear fell down his pale cheek.  
  
He felt so unnerved, so out of it. Every day he'd come to this room, sit on the bed, look at the same pictures, and cry. He remembered his years at Hogwarts. Though they were a long time ago, he remembered them as the happiest and best memories of his life.  
  
For he had known nothing until h met his friends of the train the first day of his magical education. He was seen; he was befriended. However unimportant it may seem to the common man, it was important to him. He had never known of friendship, nor trust, nor care. He lived his life, though surrounded by people, without any thing.  
  
He flipped through the old photo album, as more tears fell from his eyes. He made no notice; nothing was there to him. He was used to it; crying, feeling hopeless, lost, betrayed, forgotten, unloved. But that was silly of him. He wasn't hopeless, or lost. Nor was he forgotten nor unloved. Though his friends were gone now, he wasn't any of those things. Betrayed. Yes. He was betrayed.  
  
It had been a long time since he was that arrogant smirk... too long. He missed him. He missed everything. His bright eyes, dark black hair, tan complexion. He missed his laugh, his reason, his lovableness. And the day that he died... the day that should not have happened... this man felt himself die inside. It was as though one of his lungs was gone: breathing became harder, he couldn't laugh or smile, he was quiet and still... alone.  
  
He thought it was a dream, a nasty lie, a misunderstanding. He thought they were joking. Being pranksters, messing with him for fun. But he came to his senses. Hours faded into days; days to weeks; and still... nothing. Everything was down-hill from there. It was a blur... a terrible period of time he'd love to forget altogether. He'd still miss it though; whether the memories were there or not. He missed everything; Hogwarts, Quidditch games, dates, teaching... but most of all, he missed them. The Marauders.  
  
Life was different for Remus Lupin. He ran his hand over the dresser's edge. He was still feeling lost and abandoned after James Potter's death. He still cried thinking, talking, wondering about James. But most of all he cried for Harry. Because now, Harry was truly feeling alone. And Remus couldn't blame him. He was feeling it too. Now that the summer had come, and now that the Marauders had lost another person.  
  
Sirius Black was gone. A mistake, a misreading... one mistake, one error and he was gone. Remus let out another soft sob. It was now as though his other lung was cut dry. Gone. He felt suffocated... alone... lost. But he felt so much more, as he looked across the room; it still, in fact, held the remains of one Gryffindor flag in the top corner of the wall.  
  
Sirius wasn't meant for Gryffindor; wasn't meant for justice. He wasn't meant to find life a different way. And he wasn't meant to meet James Potter. A two-person show, a tag-team, partners in crime, pranks, and bullying. But Remus loved them. His true friends who risked it all for him.  
  
And yet, with all the emotions towards everything: the losses, the betrayer Pettigrew, the memories and the life he wished for, he felt unnatural emotions. He felt guilty, regretful, and relieved. Yes, guilty regretful and relieved. He wondered about things, also. He fell to the floor limb, hoping no one would call for him, or look for him.  
  
Guilty: Every time he looked at Sirius, he felt it. He knew in his heart, and didn't deny it, that Sirius loved James. They were brothers, the closest, the most alike. They were barely separated, but Remus still felt guilty. Those last few months of James' life were spent with Lily and Harry. They held each other close, but nobody knew. Nobody had an idea that they were going to be caught and killed. Sirius stayed away, he said goodbye one last time, laughing about what he'd get Lily for her birthday. It was November 2nd. She never made it to her 21st birthday. Suddenly Remus felt a sear of guilt go through him. Sirius never go the chance to say goodbye properly. His best friend in the world was taken away and Sirius never got the chance to explain everything. Remus hated himself for not giving Sirius that chance. For being selfish and for being unaware.  
  
Regretful: He regretted Halloween, every year. He regretted the day where his life came crashing down on him. Where Sirius was wrongly accused, where James and Lily died, and where Harry was sent to live with two people that couldn't be more different than his parents. He regretted not being able to be trusted, for not speaking up about his suspicion. He regretted everyday that he'd live to see Harry in such pain. His parents gone, his godfather gone. But did Harry care that Professor Lupin was still around? Did it once cross his man that maybe Remus J. Lupin could give good advice or tell a good tale? He regretted losing James' trust. He regretted not being more out-going; but he wasn't. He was lost in his own head, quiet until needed, yet helpful all the same. He regretted not being there. Not being more than a werewolf that knows his facts and gets his homework done. He regrets his choices and his position within the group of friends.  
  
And lastly he was Relieved: They were together again. If there's anything he doesn't want to remember it's seeing Sirius the way he was in this house. He was alone. Though surrounded by a big family, an Order, a best friend, and Harry, he was alone. Remus admitted the pain he felt knowing the plain facts: He was a best friend. Not THE best friend... A best friend. Sirius loved James more, picked James over anyone else. Remus knew it, he lived everyday seeing Sirius stare blankly at his food; seeing Sirius hastily wipe tears from his eyes; seeing Sirius lose a train of thought and end up leaving the room, to mourn, to weep, to remember James. They were back together now: risking their lives, getting mistreated, being misunderstood, but being best friends all the same.  
  
As Remus sat up, the tears continued to fall, but they were silent. He felt a new emotion overcome him. He envied Sirius. Sirius was gone, to see James again, to do their secret hand shake, drink a couple of butterbeers and discuss Quidditch for the up and coming years. Except maybe this time Harry's name will drop in. Lily will be there too.... It was becoming too painful again as he sat back on the bed, his head against the pillow. How could he feel envy over a dead man? Life was better than death, right? He still came back feeling the same emotion; he sighed. Sirius had been on top again. Sirius was gone, but he was lucky. He had James again. He had it all. Luck.  
  
A/N: Hey y'all... I'm back for a long bit... my sister's home for the summer. I enjoyed writing this fic. Please read and review. (I'm already guessing you read it) Thanks to everyone who reviewed! And more of He Loved Me is coming up! Check it out!  
  
MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus 


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